


Terry fucking dies

by lemonsqware



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Brutal Murder, Campfires, Cannibalism, Hentai, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Multi, Pedophilia, Polyamory, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 17:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19399135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonsqware/pseuds/lemonsqware
Summary: Eddy's brother comes bearing cruel intentions, and meets his maker in the form of his very own angel of death.





	Terry fucking dies

**Author's Note:**

> Galatians 5:12  
> "Would that those who are upsetting you might also castrate themselves!"
> 
> Amen. 😊✝️🖤

On a sunny day in Peach Creek, Eddy hopped out of bed at the buttcrack of dawn and galloped down the hall. He was already in his clothes, scarfed down a bowl of chunky puffs, and vomited it all up into his money jar. He gave it a good shake and scampered over to his front door, where he sat on his butt and thumped his imaginary tail. Pretty soon his friends will be over for the main event.

Edd was the first to arrive, wearing his best tie. Eddy greeted him with an obnoxious screech. "Hey! I coughed this up for ya." He handed over the jar. Edd gasped.

"A new specimen for my penpal!" He neatly took out his favorite book, The Holy Bible, and set it neatly on the step before putting the jar in his bag.

Next came in Ed, with a big box of thin booklets and various contaminated toys.

"HEY!!" Eddy screamed and took the box for inspection. "I SAID I'm the only one supplying the PORN for when my bro comes."

"But Eddy! I want to show him my favorite hentai of pretty aliens." He said.

"Get your  _ regular _ alien books."

"Oh  _ my, _ you two are filthy. How about you read mine? Here." He opened to a random page and set it in front of the boys. "I'm sure Eddy's brother will appreciate the word. I also brought my label maker, two arachnids encased in-"

The boys ignored what he was saying to read the book, but they both got headaches from all the giant words.

Finally, a beat up white van rolled down the street and into the McGee driveway. He honked the horn, which sounded like La Cucaracha. Terry hopped out and slammed the car door, and Eddy was already on his feet. "HEY, BRO!! Uhh, no hard feelings about last summer, haha... Right?  _ Bro..?" _

Terry gave him a dark look. Suddenly, he heard tiny winded breaths, of someone struggling to run. He looked down to see what he remembered to be Eddy's girlfriend. He changed his mind, which was to come home and destroy Eddy once and for all. The truth was, he liked how Eddy's little girlfriend talked like he knew everything.

"H-Hello Terry! It is a pleasure to meet you again... Ed, Eddy, and I have decided to extend an olive branch on behalf of our behavior at the trailer park last year. In fact, I would like to personally apologize to you for talking back." He looked up at him with shimmering hazel eyes. He noticed his little knees were knocking together, and then he tensed and straightened his back. "I do still stand by what I said, though."

There it was, what made him smirk. He wagged his finger at him and stepped into the house he once called home.

"HELLO MISTER EDDY'S BROTHER! I BROUGHT YOU SOME ALIEN HENTAI!! This one has tentacles...~" Terry's sunglasses shattered and fell to the floor at the sight of a big titty superhero wearing a tiny bikini getting "attacked.” "I drew this one myself."

_ "Whoa-" _ He muttered. "You're gonna pay for those shades."

Ed pulled a dead fish from his pocket and put it in Terry's hand. "UGH, SICK!"

"ED YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!" Eddy screamed.

"Oh dear... ED! Oh Terry, come wash your hands." Edd tugged on the belt-loop of Terry's jeans because of how small he was and hurried him to the kitchen, where he got up on a stool to pump some soap.

Terry thought Double D's hands were so small and cute. "Thanks, girlfriend. You know, you're prettier when you act wifey. When you talk so much, it makes me wanna choke you."

"EXCUSE me!? Sir, sir-"

"Relaxxx, you're what, fifteen? It'll be legal eventually."

"It will NEVER be legal to kill! No matter how old I am!" Edd screeched and hopped down from the stool, but Terry grabbed him from around the waist.

"When I said choke you, I meant sexually."

"I'M TWELVE!!!" Double D blew a whistle, startling Terry. Suddenly the windows in Eddy's kitchen exploded, revealing three silhouettes.

Terry let go of Edd at the sight of three weird kids. It was the Urban Rangers, Jonny, Jimmy, Plank, and their leader, Rolf.

"STOP! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE! THIS IS! MY NO NO SQUARE!" Edd screamed out the lyrics and did his dance. Rolf stepped in front of his tribe, pointing a hand at the scared and confused Terry. Ed ran in with tears in his eyes at Double D's distressed call, Eddy trailing in with disbelief soon after.

"Bro? What's with YOU?"

"STOP!" Rolf called, "Big brother of the second-born Ed-boy, you have violated the laws of this land! WE WILL PUNISH YOU ACCORDINGLY AND BOIL YOUR SHRIVELED GENITALS INTO MY NANA'S STEW!" He turned back to his boys.  **_"SEIZE HIM!"_ **

Jonny squatted like a Russian huffing paint in an Adidas tracksuit, swinging Plank has hard as he could into Jimmy's hands. Jimmy held the wooden boy firmly, channeling all his pent-up stress of trying to look good every morning and swinging Plank with all his might into Rolf's hands. Rolf grew three times his size, flexing his gigantic muscles and letting out a war-cry as he swung Plank into Ed's arms. Ed, looked down at Plank with agony, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"THIS ONE IS FOR YOU, DOUBLE D!!" He slammed the Plank into Eddy's chest, making the small chubby boy bust a hole into the counter behind him. He growled as he stood up, looking at Terry with a fire in his eyes. It was the final showdown. He gulped down his emotions--his newfound, certain hatred, and betrayal, all welling up inside of him and pushed down to his stomach. He thought of something cool, and powerful to say.

"You hungry, big bro? How about a nice meal, from yours truly." He stepped closer winding Plank back in his arms.  **_"THIS ONE'S FUCKING FREE!!"_ **

With the raw energy of a billion stallion horses in the back, coupled with the hormones of angry adolescence, Eddy shot Plank so hard into Terry's mouth he knocked out every single individual tooth and molar. He wailed in pain, and Double D stepped over his gelatin body on the floor.

"Shame on you... I'm meant to be a pacifist." Eddward steadied on his foot, a trillion memories of dodgeball throws to the face fueling him from the core chakra of his soul and inspiring him to shove his Holy Bible so fucking hard against Terry's nose that they all heard a deafening crunch. The bones of his nose shattered and pierced into his brain. He fucking died.

Double D reached down with his forceps, exporting each and every tooth into a jar. Ed took pictures of Terry's body as an art reference while Eddy snatched all the cash and credit cards from Terry's wallet.

"Make sure you hide those pictures, stupid." Eddy snapped, pocketing the change ecstatically. All the confidence from destroying Terry made him smooch Ed hard on the lips.

"My parents never look at my sketchbook." Ed shook the polaroids with a goofy blush and grin, and stuffed them, along with his camera, into his jacket.

Meanwhile, Jimmy supplied a white sheet for Rolf to roll Terry's body onto for safe travels.

"How bout you, hot stuff?" Eddy called, but Double D had trailed out of the kitchen, past Jonny who was delicately cleansing the blood off his good friend Plank with soft words of encouragement. Eddy stepped into the living room, where Edd stuffed his jar into his messenger bag along with Eddy's vomit from that morning.

"Oh, hello Eddy... Thank you for saving me... You, Ed, the Urban Rangers..." He gave a tiny smile. "This stuff is for my penpal, as you know. She collects jars of bodily fluids. I'm not sure why, but I applaud her interest in the study! Biological-"

Eddy wrapped his arms tightly around Edd, nuzzling into his chest-  only because no one was there of course. Tiny tears soaked into Edd's red t-shirt. "I killed my biggest demon, Double D..."

"Oh, Eddy..." Eddward cupped Eddy's cheeks affectionately, looking lovingly into his shades of cool. "Only  _ true _ friends could work hand in hand to commit and cover up a murder. So quit your crying, Turtledove. You did a  _ good _ thing for the Lord our Savior, Jesus Christ, today."

"Yeah, yeah, ya big sap.." He leant in for a tiny peck, where Double D met him in the middle.

Later that night, Rolf's Nana had finished with the stew, and the kids of the cul-de-sac ate their one of a kind, limited edition feast around a roaring fire. They pitched tents, and joked, and sang, Kevin let some people ride his bike. Well into the night, beneath the stars, Ed and Eddy left a beloved sockhat in front of a tent to show it was occupied while they consensually touched Double D's no no square together, to the tune of Jimmy's song.

_ When you stub your toe and it hurts you know, _

_ Friends are there to help you. _

_ When you trip on your face and your teeth are misplaced, _

_ Friends are there to help you. _

_ When you're flyin' low and you're givin' a show, _

_ Friends are there to help you. _

_ When you take off your shoes and your feet stink – PEE-YEW! _

_ Friends are there to help you. _

  
The next day, Edd sent his jars to Dakota Puckle in Oakville, and the cul-de-sac kids lived happily ever after.


End file.
